Do you think that’s even possible?
A friend of mine recently sent me a version of this picture which I then tried to recreate as I kept thinking about it…
It’s so true isn’t it?
You’re trying to do two things or even just one properly and then realise that something else suffers. It often seems impossible to find the perfect balance! Or does that even exist?
In addition to the points above I would personally also throw in cooking healthy meals, doing yoga (which will fall under “your sanity” to be fair), writing my blog, running my business and a happy husband! It’s then not a triangle anymore of course but shows how complex it is.
It’s not that easy to choose your priorities if everything seems important and it’s already difficult to find balance if you don’t have kids of course but I find that having kids makes it 100 times more difficult.
If you have kids you know what I’m talking about… Just picture this:
You’ve got two kids, a husband, a house, maybe starting up a business from home or work part-time – this becomes more complex of course depending on the number of kids and if you throw pets into the equation too…. so let’s keep it simple!
Your house is a mess of course but cleaning the house with a two and a three year old around actually seems impossible unless you sit them in front of the TV (it might make them happy for a bit but not a good strategy long term!).
They love to help of course which is not great when you’re dealing with toxic cleaning products of course so you limit yourself just to doing the basic tidying up in the kitchen. Meanwhile the three year old clings onto your leg because her little brother keeps banging things on her head so you’re trying to keep them apart but not too far apart because if you can’t see one of them they might be cutting up the curtains or painting you a lovely picture on the wall!
As you’re trying to prevent the kids from doing any major damage to themselves or the house you decide that it’s definitely time to go outside for a bit and get some fresh air and let them blow off some steam. You’ve also realised that you haven’t planned anything for lunch so why not just go out around the corner to the shops! It’s not far at all so shouldn’t be a big deal, right?!
well… after you’ve spent half an hour to get them dressed, nappy change for the 2 year old of course who always poos JUST before you want to go out, getting all snacks, drinks and spare nappies together, it’s time to make a decision about the mode of transport – taking the car, taking the buggy, taking the scooters or just walking.
We can’t take the car of course because we want to get fresh air so it would defeat the purpose. The two year old doesn’t want to be strapped in the buggy, the three year old wants to be in the buggy but is supposed to walk so that’s no good. No buggy then.
“Do you want to take the scooter?” “Yes!” “No!” …ok let’s take only one of them. You leave the house and just when you turn the corner it’s “I want my scooter!” so you go back and get the second scooter. (You end up carrying both of them in the end of course…. and the kids… and the shopping….)
Then you arrive at the supermarket and you’ve got exactly 10 minutes to choose everything before things get completely out of control and they both end up screaming because they are fighting over the seat in the trolley or the two year old starts throwing things out of the trolley that you’ve just put in there.
You somehow manage to get home (obviously didn’t have time or energy to buy half of the things you wanted to buy) and still have to cook something in about 15 minutes as they are hungry NOW. Lunch is of course a battle in itself but I let you imagine all the things that can happen here…
After lunch you can’t wait to put the two year old to bed (luckily mine is very cooperative but you could have a little rebel of course). The three year old is finally allowed to watch some TV which means that for you it’s time for anything else on your priority list. But only one thing of course!
Oh but wait, you haven’t cleaned up the kitchen, done the washing or planned dinner yet (you don’t want to end up in the same situation as this morning!). You also realise that you haven’t actually done anything fun with the kids yet. Afterall they’ve just been to the supermarket which doesn’t really count, does it?
Well you can see where I’m going with this…
I’m sorry to tell you that I don’t have the solution or magic potion to find the perfect balance or to do it all. Maybe you’re a super organised person and make a priority list every morning. Maybe you have the whole week planned. I’ve tried to do that but it just seems to add stress as it’s another thing to do, right?
I know that I can only do so much. I know that I’m not perfect. My house is a mess, I don’t always find time for my yoga practice, I don’t manage to get everything done that I want to do for my business, I neglected my blog for months.
But my kids are happy and my husband is happy that my kids are happy.
That’s all that matters, right?
They grow up way to fast. i feel your pain and remember those days. Hang in there. The triangle will never go away, it will just be filled with other things as life changes.
I know I’m trying to appreciate every minute that I’ve got with them! 🙂
I think that without any family around, the only solution is to put them in day care and take care of yourself, your own work, your new business, whatever. And you need a cleaner for the house. When both parents work, this is something affordable. Even if the entire salary of the mother gets absorbed by the fee for the day care and the cleaner, it is worth it. I find it important to have your own balance, not just a balance for everyone else. It seems you are trying to take responsibility for everyone but who takes care of you? Limit the time with your kids to quality time after their day care and on weekends etc. Don’t burn yourself. Your kids aren’t, your husband isn’t so why should you? I know tons of kids whose mother stayed home for them and they moved away and call twice a month. It is not worth it on the long run! Your own childhood is not improving by this because you cannot change the past. And you’re already doing a lot for the family by dedicating yourself to family yoga! Your work is about family, who else can say that?
Thank you 🙂 we can only do what we feel is best for our family and ourselves. I don’t really want to see less of my children but I definitely want to do less cleaning!