(NB If you are missing some emotion then do keep in mind that this is written from a male perspective)
Bertrand:
“On the 6th July 2012, I woke up at around 3am as Christine was restless and disturbing my sleep. She said ‘it’ was happening but we still had some time so I went back to bed. It seemed like a minute later when Christine came to wake me up again (it was actually an hour later) and asked me to call the hospital. She asked me to put the TENS machine on her and I was quite proud because we had practised putting the thing on before and I knew exactly what to do. The hospital suitcase was ready as Christine had packed it before, so I just called a taxi and we left for the hospital which was only ten minutes away.
At the hospital
7am: We had to wait for about an hour until Christine was finally called in by the midwife. The midwife examined her and said that she was 2-3 cm dilated (this didn’t mean too much to me but I knew that at 4 we could stay and at 10 the baby was coming). I remembered from the antenatal classes that it could take a long time – up to 17 hours – and the lady confirmed that it would probably take another 2-3 hours before she would even get to 4 cm. She told us to maybe go back home or go for a walk and come back when the contractions were getting stronger.
8am: We walked around the hospital corridors and Christine didn’t want to talk. She was completely focused. We found a quiet area to sit down and I was quite relaxed by then and not worried as I knew that we had time. I was on my phone and told my boss that we were in hospital and the baby would probably not be there until the evening so I wasn’t coming to work (which I was glad about, as it was fish & chips day which is always a busy day in catering!). I was chatting to the cleaners and at some point I realised Christine was on all fours in this huge room and with her big tummy, she looked and sounded a bit like a cow. She was making very strange noises as if she was possessed (the movie, the Exorcist, came to my mind) or as if she was going to transform into something (probably ugly).
I offered to give her a “massage” (not really a massage but simply pressing down on her lower back, which I had learned in one of those birth yoga classes) but she said no. I knew that she was doing what was good for her and all I had to do was to be calm, otherwise it would have an effect on her. I put cookies next to her in case she wanted to eat but she didn’t take them. She went to the bathroom and when she didn’t come back straight away I ate the cookies because I was starving and couldn’t resist… She was away for a long time, so I thought she was having the baby without me – a bit like on a farm, where the cat would go away and come back with the kittens a few days later! When Christine finally came back she wanted to go to see the midwives again. I thought this was too early based on what the midwife had said (I like to respect exact timings) but according to the classes I should support her decision as she knows her body better than anyone else.
Come back in the afternoon…
9am: We went in to get examined and there was another lady this time who was more confident and asked more questions. Christine said it was getting stronger but the lady said very convincingly “it’s your first baby and you’re not ready so come back in the afternoon”. Christine asked if she could still check what was happening and the lady said very nicely “no” (this made sense to me as from all the classes we had I knew it would take a long time). Christine asked again if she could be checked and when the midwife finally agreed, I (unfortunately) saw that there was a lot of blood. I thought it was disgusting and moved away. I wanted to leave because it was something I really didn’t want to see but the midwife said “no stay here, you need to stay to hear the news”. She said Christine was now 8 cm dilated and as I knew that it was 8 out of 10 I thought this was great! I’m quite competitive so I was very proud that we were obviously ahead of the game and were close to the top of the score board!
I went from feeling relaxed to a bit useless. I thought now it starts and I wasn’t planning for it to go so quickly! We got the luggage ready and moved to another room. The midwife said with confidence “you’ll have a baby by 2pm” so I thought this is going very quickly! Christine was sitting on a bouncy ball and I was setting up the room with the stuff from the suitcase. I didn’t know what she had packed exactly but I knew the biscuits were for me and the red grape juice was for her. I offered her something to eat and drink but she didn’t want any of it… I’m a caterer, and if my only customer doesn’t want to eat or drink I’ve got no purpose, so I felt quite useless!
Finally on the labour ward
I had a strategy with key words I had noted on my phone “be positive, don’t ask questions all the time, give her drinks, distract her, make jokes and create a nice atmosphere – then I remembered that I hadn’t put the music on yet. We had a list prepared (relaxing music and songs from Now 81). I asked her what music she wanted and she got annoyed and didn’t want to talk about it. I asked if she wanted to listen to ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ by Kelly Clarkson but she got even more annoyed. I then remembered that I forgot the lavender oil at home which was supposed to help her to relax.
10am: She was sitting on the gym ball and she was breathing heavily. At some point the pain was getting stronger and she asked for “gas and air” which was a pain relief I knew she was happy to use if things got too much. I remembered from the classes that she shouldn’t use the gas and air too early because then it wouldn’t work anymore. When she asked for it I thought that even if it was too early, I would shut up because otherwise she would kick me out… Then the midwives tried to put a drip on her and stabbed her in her hand a few times before calling a doctor as they didn’t manage to do it. It was a bit messy and I couldn’t look at it as I’ve got a phobia of needles.
We were alone for a while and I asked myself when she would actually start to push. Shouldn’t anyone check? She wasn’t as confident as before and used the gas and air a lot more. She asked the midwives how she would know when to push and they said “you will know”. Great – thank you, very helpful. ‘Don’t think you are – know you are’ (Morpheus, The Matrix).
The Birth
With one of the pushes the head came out and the baby cried which meant that it was healthy so I was happy. I will always remember the face Christine made when she heard the baby cry. It was a face she would do when she was completely exaggerating being surprised or imitating someone but in this case she was very emotional. The next push seemed to be very painful and it was when Maya was born 11.44 am. They handed Maya to her and Christine made the same funny, surprised face again. She held the baby and went to lie on the bed. I was so happy Maya was healthy – she had her eyes open and was blinking.
After that Christine was taken away for the stitches and I stayed with a trainee midwife who weighed and measured Maya. She made a mistake (put the wrong date on the form) which made me think that she might have made more mistakes! Then I was with the baby alone – I took pictures and didn’t know what to do next. The midwife came back and said “now it’s time to dress the baby!” and I thought “Why is she looking at me? Is she not going to dress her? What the f… should I do now?” This was definitely not part of the training I had gone through before – this was brand new!! I was now very stressed and started to sweat as I didn’t know what clothes to put on and which bag they were in (even though Christine might have told me before)! The midwife was very nice and helped me and I was very proud as I was the first one to dress my daughter.
Then I was alone again and I held Maya and just looked at her. It was the first moment when all this chaos was over, there was no more noise, no doctor, no midwife and I had a clean baby looking at me – it was as if time had stopped… At that moment in time, I still hadn’t quite realised what had just happened and for sure I didn’t realise what would happen next and what it would be like being a father!”
Ahhh I love a birth story and even better yet hearing from daddy how it was from his perspective and his side. Greatly written. Beautiful story daddy!!!! Thanks for linking up to Share With Me, for all the continual blog support throughout 2014! Happy Holidays! #sharewithme